Elopement and Cheating
Extramarital relationships have been around as long as marriage has. But having an affair and cheating are slightly different, and a guy may have an affair or cheat for very different reasons than a woman would. In many marriages, when one partner has an affair, it ends up making the marriage stronger.
This could sound shocking but it’s true and at Astrogyan we have plenty of confession stories to ratify this fact. Affairs can either destroy or stabilize relationships but there is no denying the fact that affairs come with immense consequences.
When people talk about cheating, they usually refer to physical infidelity; however, do we know that it is emotional cheating that causes more pain and destroys relationships? Browse our affair and cheating astrology category to know the real reasons why men and women have an affair and cheat their spouses.
Why do some relationships get bad? 10 Things
Let’s talk about the reasons why some relationships are bad, how they start, and how to spot them and fix them.
There are always signs that your affair is over, or that any relationship is coming to an end. If you are aware enough to listen to it, your gut tells you exactly what is going on. Even though most people don’t think their affairs are serious, the person having them goes through a lot of physical and emotional highs and lows.
A study in the Journal of Sex Research said, “We have always been interested in why people cheat on their partners.” They found that the most common reason for a married person or someone in a serious relationship to have an affair was that they were not happy with their main partner.
There are many clear signs that your affair is over or coming to an end, such as when the person you were having an affair with moves away. Or when you realise that there may not be any hope for the future. This blog post goes into detail about 15 of these signs so you can figure out if you should be worried about your fling ending or not.
How Do Affairs Normally End?
Most affairs fall into one of two categories: the popular extramarital trope or just a casual relationship. Both are started for personal reasons that are different for each person. When these problems are fixed or you meet someone else, the affair might lose its appeal and end in a breakup. Even though people respond and deal with the end of their affairs in different ways, it’s safe to say that it hurts them both emotionally. A Sunday Times best-selling author named Amanda Robson once said, “There is no such thing as an affair that doesn’t mean anything.” Sometimes, the people having an affair might even fall in love.
In their report, the ReGain Editorial Team says, “How long extramarital affairs last varies: about 50% may last between one month and a year, long-term affairs may last 15 months or longer, and about 30% of affairs last two years or longer.” But no matter what, most things always end. Whether they turn into something better and more official or end for good is a different story.
According to a detailed story on TheHealthyJournal, there are three ways the fling could end:
If a person has an affair with someone other than their husband, it could lead to divorce and marriage to the affair partner.
One way to end a secret affair is to break up with the affair partner and put the money back into the marriage to make it better.
In a casual relationship, an affair could lead to a serious relationship or the affair partner could reject the person.
15 Signs That Your Romance Is Over
Sometimes, the end of a relationship is quick and clear, especially if the person breaking up with the other person is clear and direct about it. But because of how things are, it might not be easy to have honest conversations that hint at the end of the fling. If your affair partner seems to be losing interest and you’re worried about the future of your relationship, keep an eye out for the signs below.
1.No one talks about what will happen next.
Most likely, the beginning of a relationship is the most exciting part. All you and your partner can think about is being excited, making plans, and wanting to spend more valuable time together. You make a lot of plans, like for lunches, dinners, and getting hotel rooms for weekend trips.
But the first and most clear sign that something is wrong is when planning seems to have stopped, not just to happen less often. It could be a little like what happened to my friend Sharon. She said, “I was trying to decide with him where to go for dinner, but my affair partner cut me off, said he had to be somewhere that night, and left.”
2. You come up with more reasons why you don’t want to hang out.
It’s normal to start to worry about the future of your affair if your partner doesn’t do their part. But it’s a different problem if you start to dread spending time with your partner. You should ask yourself how often you see your affair partner and how often you’ve thought of making up reasons not to go on dates with them.
This is one way to stay away from your affair partner:
By avoiding them, you are unconsciously trying to avoid the anxiety and uncertainty about the end of the affair.
They don’t have time to hang out with you because they’re busy with other people, like a new “friend” or their spouse or kids.
You both avoid making plans, even easy ones like lunch or dinner dates.
You used to ask each other about their days every time you talked on the phone. Now, you only call each other when something important is going on.
Your texts are being forgotten more than they used to be.
3. You don’t trust yourself as much as you used to.
There are many rules that don’t get said but are understood. One of them is that the fact that the relationship isn’t legal and is kept secret leaves a lot of things up in the air, and both people need to accept that. For example, making plans at the last minute, changing plans at the last minute, or having to take a raincheck.
So, it’s normal to not know what your affair partner is doing every minute of the day. But if they start acting in strange ways, you might start to worry. When your doubts keep getting stronger and your affair partner doesn’t clear them up or answer your questions about them, it’s more upsetting.
4. Anger builds up and isn’t dealt with.
When a relationship gets rough, it’s natural for people to feel angry. It doesn’t have to end the relationship, but if the anger isn’t dealt with, it most likely will. If an affair is serious and both people want to work things out, there may be a way to get over the hurt. But some people hold onto anger because they are passive-aggressive. In other cases, their partners might not want to change the things they do that make them angry. No matter what happens, the relationship is bound to end.
An article by Kalpana Nadimpalli, who has degrees in both English and Psychology, says, “Resentment in a relationship is like stabbing yourself and wishing your enemy gets hurt. And when anger isn’t dealt with, the problems get worse until neither of you can find a way to fix them. Resentment, which is often called the “cancer” of relationships, eats away at the trust, reliability, and love at the heart of any relationship.
When you, your affair partner, or both of you start keeping track of each other’s mistakes and then bring them up in fights to put each other down, this can lead to resentment.
Resentment can also be caused by many other things, like feeling like you weren’t heard or that you weren’t as important in the situation.
If an affair starts out serious, one or both of you might pull away physically or mentally, which could lead to resentment.
5. Your goals don’t match up, and you won’t give in.
Even when two people love and trust each other a lot, they may still have different plans for the future, which can cause problems. Your personal goals can sometimes take you down a path that you and your partner just can’t walk together. At first, talks and compromises give people hope, but in the end, there is no room to move. Your own goals are more important than keeping the relationship going. You shouldn’t ignore these warning signs, and you can only hope to break up as nicely as Mia and Sebastian did in the movie “La La Land.”
6. You never have the same thing happen twice.
Be careful if the person you’re having an affair with seems less and less interested in making regular plans like they used to. For example, you used to hear from them every day, but then it changed to once every few days, and then you didn’t hear from them at all for three weeks without an explanation. Your one-night stand could have turned into a situationship without you even knowing it.
7. Your secret is out
Most affairs are done in secret, but no matter how well you try to hide your relationship, there are some things you can’t stop. No matter what you do to keep your affair quiet, the secret might still get out.
If a casual affair is found out, there is a good chance that it will end in a breakup if the only thing that kept the emotions high was that it was hidden.
When people find out about an affair outside of their marriage, they have a lot to lose. One or both partners may decide to end the affair to save face and work on repairing their reputations.
8. You’re always confused.
It’s a red flag if you start to care more about the other person but don’t get the same reaction or find out that they don’t ever see themselves getting more serious with you.
If your lover isn’t clear about what he or she wants, you might think he or she is using you, which could very well be the case.
You should be worried if they don’t want to help you sort out your confusion and worry about these things.
9. Everything your partner does bothers you, even when they act normally.
In a love or emotional relationship, spending time together might not always be fun, but it shouldn’t be awful or mentally draining either. If you start making reasons to avoid making plans with your partner because they are getting more and more boring or annoying, that is a change you should think about.
WebMD writer Cheryl Whitten says, “Feeling angry doesn’t mean your relationship is over. Instead, it can mean that you need to take care of yourself and pay attention to how you feel. If you pay attention to what’s going on in your life, you can find out what’s making you mad. But if you’ve done all of this, your partner isn’t too needy or annoying, and you still feel tired and drained after seeing them, the affair might be coming to an end.
10. If you only have sex or none at all, it means your affair is over.
There is no doubt that sex is a big part of the affair’s draw and success as a whole. But there should also be a balance, and a friendship is made up of more than just two people. You might only see your affair partner for sex, and if that’s not an option, you might not see each other at all. Then you need to have a talk and make it clear if you’re just there for a hookup or if you’re interested in a love relationship.
11. You start to see their flaws, which makes you feel icky.
It is a well-known and true fact that when you love or like someone a lot, you tend to see them through “rose-colored glasses.” No matter what the main differences are between love and a crush, the red flags only show up early on in both. But if there are more problems than they can solve, you might start to dislike their flaws and forget about their strengths. And the worst part is that their flaws might be small or hard to see, if they are any flaws at all. So, if you can’t think of anything good to say about your partner, whether you’re with them or not, it’s a big sign that the relationship is over.
12. You feel alone even when you’re with the other person. This could be one of the biggest reasons why an affair ends. Being physically together but emotionally alone is a big deal-breaker and a sign that an affair isn’t going well and may be coming to an end soon if the problem isn’t fixed. Some signs that your affair partner is making you feel lonely are:
Not being heard or taken seriously when you talk about your worries about the affair or in general. You start to feel disconnected from the whole point of your affair.
Your affair partner isn’t making you feel as safe and free as they used to. You’re having more and more trouble communicating with them.
13. You feel more and more nervous in your gut.
It is true that you will know something is wrong long before you start to figure out what it is.
Small changes in your affair partner’s behaviour, body language, mood around you, or the tone and depth of their answers can make you nervous.
Even though these things can happen to anyone having a bad day, if they happen often and your gut tells you to get ready for the end, you should
14. If you feel bad about what you did, it means your affair is over.
A CouplesAcademy article says, “No matter what you think about people having affairs, the human tendency to self-moral police always kicks in.” The feelings of guilt and shame can come up again and again. The beginning of an affair can be exciting and thrilling, but the shame of having cheated on someone or lied to them to be somewhere else can send you on a guilt trip.
Getting involved with a married or committed person seems like a “no harm, no foul” deal because neither you nor they are under any pressure to get emotionally attached or make a major commitment. But as time goes on, you may realise that many people connected to you and them are also indirectly affected. When they do, the relationship usually ends soon after.
15. They have gone back to their lives and forgotten all about you
If the person you were having an affair with stopped talking to you without giving you any warning and without anything going wrong, your affair is most likely over. When someone acts like nothing ever happened and like they didn’t even know you existed, it’s smart to realise that your ex-lover will never give you peace or be brave enough to break up with you straight up. But don’t worry, you can move on with your life and stop thinking about your affair partner if you do certain things.
How do I put an affair behind me?
Having an affair is hard, no matter how much you love your partner. But it’s hard for anyone to deal with a breakup when they know it’s over and the above signs make it clear that it’s about to happen. Some people would feel that wave of rejection, and their once-charming behaviour would change very quickly. Let’s face it, no one wants a good situation to end. Because of this, some people might even get angry and be rude. But spreading lies about someone wouldn’t make a difference.
So, what do you do when it’s over?
Is it over? : The most important thing you can do to put the affair behind you is to make sure that it really is over for both you and them. This doesn’t mean that you have to go out of your way to contact them after they’ve stopped talking to you. But you should never respond to their requests or try to negotiate with them.
Keep them out: You should get rid of them everywhere you can think of and hold yourself responsible enough to keep from falling back into bad habits.
Me time: Use the time you save to work on yourself, spend money on your hobbies, and get your schedule in order.
Seek help: Moving on with your life takes a lot of hard work, and it’s especially hard to do it alone. If you need help, ask a friend who won’t judge you and who you know will hold you responsible and keep you looking forward instead of back. You can also talk to experts for help. Astrogyan counsellors are always ready and happy to help you.
A pair having an affair goes through a lot of highs and lows, both emotionally and physically, and the end of it usually makes one or both of them feel bad.
Different people might have different ideas about why it ended.
A person could stop their official relationship to start a new one with their affair partner, leave their marriage for their affair partner, or end the affair to work on their current relationship.
If it’s not a secret affair but just a casual relationship, it could end when it loses its appeal, when you move on to someone else, or when one person falls in love with the other.
Some signs that your affair is over are growing anger, not talking about the future, feeling guilty or ashamed, having less or no sex, and being confused all the time.
After an affair is over, the first thing to do is to accept it, try to find peace, distance yourself from the other person, and move on.
You might not be sure how your affair partner feels about your fling, but you don’t know how to read the change in their behaviour. Or maybe you want to know if it’s all in your head or if you’re really seeing signs that your affair is over. In the end, it takes time to look inside yourself and move on. If you need help, don’t be afraid to ask close friends or a professional if you need to. “Sometimes God can touch you, but not heal you,” says the author Shannon L. Alder. When he does this, it’s usually because he wants to use your pain for something bigger. So, keep trying.